If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
