he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize