Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
