Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
