I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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