I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
as a side note pls kill me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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