And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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