my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
