My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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