if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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