can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize