I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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