she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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