The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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