If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
