So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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