Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
