I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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