I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
