Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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