Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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