And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
