My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
