tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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