Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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