Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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