His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize