Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
