I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
