Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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