I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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