you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
