hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
