I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
