Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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