he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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