the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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