why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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