Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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