I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
