You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
