Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
