Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
