haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
