do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I need help removing her.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
