BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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