The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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