I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize