So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
