The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
