There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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