just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
