help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize