Welp...herpes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you win again, gameday.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
