you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You took a bar mat shot.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
