I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize