tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
