You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
