im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
do nipples grow back?
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