Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i will never coherently bang her
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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