I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
