after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
