First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
