Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
