Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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