I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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