He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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