Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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