JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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