It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
