I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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