i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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