dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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