I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
